librawolf @ dudesnude
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50 y/o   VERIFIED §
 United States : California : Los Angeles / mobile
profile id: 1281638
build: Defined
height: 1.80m (5' 11")
weight: 69Kg (153lb)
links:
private password:
waist: 79cm (31")
body hair: Quite hairy
facial hair: Beard
ethnicity: Caucasian
cock size: Large
tattoos: Several
preferred role: Vers. Top
interests: Email/chat.
last here: 20 Nov 2018
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Back in 2004, (the first year I joined this site... that's kind of trippy), I remember attending this one night 'gay dating workshop' here in LA with a friend of mine.

I remember, the guy teaching the workshop saying, at one point, ..."gentlemen... start trying to date outside your type! You guys go into a bar... there's 50 (or more) guys there. Within one minute, you all hone in one the one guy who's your type. You all do it. Well ... guess what??! You just honed in on the one guy who's going to hurt you."

There were a few hems and haws from the attending crowd. Some chuckles ... laughs. I remember sitting there... kinda thinking ... hmmm' ... only because my love life (at the time ... and certainly similar to now) sucked... with the big difference being now... is about 14 more years accumulated bummer experiences with men... and anything from experiencing real love and the genuine connection I've wanted with someone. Definitely a far-cry scenario from what i had hoped and envisioned my life to be ... in relation to love and men.

How many times I've been attracted to this 'salt-of-the-earth' looking guy... this lumber-jack-esq, gentleman-ly looking guy... and, on the surface, they certainly appeared like they'd be warm and fuzzy, and - SEEMINGLY - kind guys (and....let's face it and be honest... it's a tuff thing because we - ALL THE TIME - make attachments based on someone's outer appearance/looks ... combined with the fact that gay men are the masters of presentation)... only to find out ... well ... they were usually anything but a gentleman.

They weren't kind.
They weren't warm.
Fuck... sometimes... they weren't all that smart.

Often ... they were really selfish. (having NO idea of the concept for concession... the whole 'give and take' thing... which I believe to be a foundation for any relationship.)
And 'yeah' ... sometimes ... they did, indeed, cause some downright pain.

Point is... my 'type' has never really 'housed' the man I've been hoping to find and think I deserve.
Clearly... something to be learned from that little dating workshop back in 2004, but... more importantly... if any of you have read Alan Downs' 'The Velvet Rage' (it's a must-read and has become like a 'gay bible' to me over the last 10 plus years), in it, he talks about joy. He speaks about the importance of realizing, in your life, what brings you joy, as well as well as... once you become aware of that... it changes how you choose WHO you choose/look for in a partner.

He says, "love is the experience of joy in that person's presence."

I can tell you that 97% of my male friends are straight. This wasn't like an active decision or something I sought out. I think it came from a place of my heart and soul ... what I simply evolved to needing and start feeling. With my straight guy friends... I feel a great deal of warmth from them. And they make me laugh. It's easy. It's honest. I can completely be myself with them and feel seen and respected. That isn't always the case with a lot of fellow gay men, I've found. But... point is ... once I started becoming mindful of these feelings... I realized...'wait... this is how I should feel, certainly, with a boyfriend." and so ,,, that's when it all clicked... regarding Downs' point on love. It also changed, for me, my approach to who and what I may look for.

That's why - these days - when people ask me, "what is your type?" ... I just think to myself ..(and often say). 'it kinda doesn't even matter anymore" ...Sure... yeah... do i have my things that float my boat...turn me on?? ... yeah, sure... BUT... at the same time... it's also like, "so what?!" ... because, again, I'll say it again ... like most to always of the time... those 'it' guys have never 'housed' the man I've really needed... when it comes to the emotional good stuff necessary for love, longevity and real matters of the heart... AS WELL AS... they've certainly never brought me much joy.
Anxiety, angst, and a lot of bullshit?
Oh yeah.
But Joy? Not so much.

And yet... I'll still encounter guys my age (AND older) who seem to fixate on the importance of body parts and muskels when it comes to guys... and want me to share in their exuberance.. slightly baffled when I respond that, 'ya know... it's been a lifetime parade of hot bods and trophy dicks, .. but rarely often attached to a man of much more than that... in addition to explaining to them that... while the needs of my dick have been met... IN SPADES... it's the like my heart and soul are over here screaming ... 'hey!!...what about us, man??!!!!"

Don't get me wrong. Great sex is great. I have the sex drive of a teenager... but, these days, being experienced -SOLELY sexually- is a bummer. And hookups have the satiating factor of a good slice of pizza. It's tasty... but... I can't live on that shit, ya know. I haven't been able to for a long time now.

And yet... I realize I'm in the minority. Many of you, I'm sure, use the phone apps. After you take away the 60% of happily partnered/open relationship guys on those things, the remaining smaller percentage of single guys on there...many don't seem all that serious about getting on the road to pursue real genuine intimacy. Most, I think, become more addicted to the hunt... and would rather just hop back on the grid... because that's easier than investing in the time and energy it takes to really get to know another soul... learn and love their flaws... and, more importantly... reveal their flaws to someone else.

And, sadly, at the end of the day... many guys are just simply not all that mindful of the concept of joy... And what - genuinely-
brings joy to them... really be mindful of how they FEEL in another guy's presence VS... staying hinged to that surface homo stuff/that predefined physical features list they have stored on their harddrive... which, my experience has shown, just ultimately bites us all on the asses... bringing us anything but joy. But... Denial is, indeed, a big river, and I realize, also, that many are masters of orchestrating their lives to see just what they want to see... and avoid what they don't want to feel. That's a skill I never did acquire.

To quote Whitman, "this world was made for those not cursed with self-awareness."

yup... that says it all.

You may be wondering... 'why the fuck is he writing about this stuff on dudesnude?'

Well ... like the saying goes... 'a picture's worth a thousand words', and so, I think the pictures I post live up to the 'eye candy' component of what the site's about. Certainly no one has to read anything of my 'stuff' or scroll any further down past the pics.

But ... sex is easy. And being seen/experienced...on a solely sexual level ... is easy.

It just isn't good enough for me anymore.

I just turned 50 this year, and I came out when I was 23.
I'm much more interested in a man seeing and getting a sense of ALL aspects of me ...(at least trying to) ... and so I don't see the need to compartmentalize myself, these days, ... be it on a sex site or in the grocery store.
In 'The Velvet Rage', Alan Downs describes integrity as 'integrate all parts of oneself'.
It's a Buddhist thought to say, 'how you do anything ... is how you do everything''.

Point is .. I think I shoot myself in the foot to, at this stage of the game, only show one (very slim aspect of myself) especially when my heart's desire is to ultimately find love.
Is that love gonna come from Dudesnude?

Fuck ... I don't know.

But... because I do believe 'he' could be anywhere... at anytime ... - putting myself out there, the best I can as the whole, genuine, authentic me is the only thing that makes sense and feels right.


Oh... by the way, 'yes' ... I've been told I look like Wolverine.

It, really, wasn't something calculated or planned. I've always had somewhat of a beard. I grew it out, coiffed it a bit... grew my hair out a bit, and voila!
The comments started rolling in, and I figured... 'ok ... I can live with this.'


Aside from that,
Samson, my black cat, is my best friend.
I love really good cake!! .. and I have an annual pass to Disneyland.

*****An interesting Dudesnude phenomenon: am I the only member here... who - rarely to never - receives messages from... even gets profile views from... fellow guys in their own city??? BUT - conversely...gets the most awesome and amazing messages from guys outside of the state and in other countries.
It's always been that way... and I've always wondered why. I suspect there's like a 'safety factor' to it... Like someone 2 miles away from you... God forbid they could, potentially, make a real-life connection with you.

Peace and good vibes to you all!
We all deserve good things.
And we all should be good to each other. I don't think it's good enough to be all "#weareorlando", slap a rainbow overlay on a social media picture, and be all, 'let's march together at a protest!'... if the other 300 plus days of the year... we subtly dis each other in the most day-to-day of ways (be it on a phone app... choosing to look away VS returning a smile at the gym, grocery store ...or wherever, however. And blowing off responding to a simple kind message here. (It always beyond kills me ... those profiles where you see ... "sorry I can't respond to every message")... yeah.. but, of course, they had enough time to create a profile, slap their pictures up here... because they still had their need to get virtually jerked off for their self-absorbtion fest. ( you can bet their Instagram feeds are just as borderline narcissistic.) But then they want to be selective as to who they' return the love'... simply because they're 'too busy'.

I, myself, do, indeed make every effort to respond to as many messages as possible!... sometimes it'll take me a little time, but I do got there!